Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
