i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
