Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Screwed.edu
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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