Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
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