I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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