they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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