Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
