i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
