guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
