i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
