Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
