girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize