??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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