i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
