My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
