your parents love me but you hate me
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
