When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
