Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
