i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
