i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize