this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
