don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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