You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
as a side note pls kill me
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
