I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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