i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
