If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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