Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i love accidental penises.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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