tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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