No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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