So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
