So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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