Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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