he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
