I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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