Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
