And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
my being single is dangerous.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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