you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
