I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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