I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
