I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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