Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
