Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
