Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
