normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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