I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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