Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
