We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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