Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
