Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I need water and some morals
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
