What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
