At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
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