She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
