Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize