I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
