apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
