Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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