do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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