I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
