I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
