I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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