She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
