I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
