Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
