dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
