whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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