Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
