One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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