a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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