Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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