Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize