I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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