I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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