I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
