Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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